Why Bother?
by Yamato's Tiger Lily
Summary: It's natural that someone like Choromatsu would complain about it but Ichimatsu adored his brother – he just could never express it.


**Why Bother?**

Sometimes, it's hard to communicate. It's hard enough talking to Jyushimatsu when he's someone his complete opposite. He did get along with the rest of his other brothers, even if it was just a moment – a speck of him bonding with the brothers he'd always secretly cherish. And yet, there's one particular brother that he just couldn't bring himself to talk to – his immediate older brother, Choromatsu.

Had Choromatsu not been an idol otaku, he'd probably the most normal guy in the set of six. While Osomatsu was lazy and boisterous, at least he was easy enough to get along with; it was easy enough since Osomatsu had always been so easily entertained. Though, Ichimatsu had always thought Choromatsu had at least tolerated his presence, but he always had a feeling that Choromatsu didn't like him much at all. Choromatsu always had some kind of comment about and for everyone. He hardly had any comments towards Ichimatsu; but instead, they were _about_ him. Choromatsu always seemed to try avoid interacting with Ichimatsu as much as he could.

He would sigh.

 _There's no point of trying. Why the hell should I bother?_

And, even though he'd tell himself he gave up, he'd still take notice all the things the nerdier one of the six would have in common with him. It's no secret that Nyaanta is Choromatsu's favorite current idol and it's obvious that she's based on a cat. The memorabilia that he'd buy at the concerts, meets, always were cat themed. For all intents and purposes, Ichimatsu had tried listening to her music and it wasn't too bad – it wasn't to his tastes but he can see how Choromatsu would get into it.

Besides the obvious similarities, Choromatsu never seemed to mind the strays that would stay in the house. In fact, at times, the fourth brother would catch Choromatsu sit down idly and pet them. He never seemed to complain too much about the cats and even seemed to find them just as cute as Ichimatsu did; but it wasn't like Ichimatsu was just going to up and talk to him about cats. He's awkward enough being the depressive brother that everyone's secretly ashamed of. He's awkward enough being the weird one who identifies with cats, instead of humans, the most.

Despite that, Choromatsu would show his softer side to his younger brother on occasion. Even though it's annoying to hear him nag about whatever, it's nice when Choromatsu brushed his hair. It's nice when Choromatsu helped him do simple tasks. It's natural that someone like Choromatsu would complain about it but Ichimatsu adored his brother – he just could never express it. He always wanted to talk to Choromatsu more than just being involved in his nagging. He didn't mean to scare his big brother away – but how else could he express himself? Jyushimatsu hardly ever needed words as he's a pretty wild guy himself and always wanted to include everyone in the family one way or another.

But it'd be nice if he could at least talk to Choromatsu…

Whenever he sees Choromatsu with Osomatsu, he felt he intruded. He sees Osomatsu tease Choromatsu and even though Choromatsu gets so mad and yells a lot, Ichimatsu could tell that Choromatsu at least enjoyed his company especially when they were kids. Back then, they were always together and always schemed together. Sometimes it's fun to listen to their banter with each other, especially when Todomatsu joined in the teasing.

Ichimatsu could never say anything that wasn't extreme. He couldn't tease anyone, much less Choromatsu, that doesn't include a death wish either from him or towards him. The only person he could even say that to would be Karamatsu, and even then, it's only because he would just get so annoyed towards other older brother. Ichimatsu couldn't say anything to anyone without a sort of extreme. Choromatsu was the same way but different; when Choromatsu said things to be teasing, he'd mean it instead of just teasing and Ichimatsu was one who couldn't handle it at all.

It's really hard to express himself to anyone but Jyushimatsu; but Jyushimatsu already understood Ichimatsu. He never teased Ichimatsu and wouldn't nag him about being a proper member of society. He didn't need to – and it was nice. However, having Choromatsu as an ally would be powerful; he would defend Ichimatsu from the accusations of being a "doll of darkness". There's nothing, though, they had in common besides cats. The only reason why Choromatsu knew the cat lover existed was because not just the blood they shared, but for the fact that their numbers were next to each other. Choromatsu was number three and then next is the fourth son, Ichimatsu, closest to death.

He felt lower even as he sat in the background. In front of him, Choromatsu used his laptop, that he'd somehow acquired, and seemed to watch videos. Ichimatsu could barely tell exactly what was on the screen – but he saw cats.

The fact he saw the cats, he sat on his butt and hugged his legs. He sat there, nothing on his expression other than his trademark frown. Inside, he wanted to go next to Choromatsu casually and just watch it with him.

 _Instead, I'm back here – like the coward I am._

Somehow, that garnered Choromatsu's attention. He turned around slowly, as though he was afraid of what was behind him, only to see the cowering Ichimatsu covered in darkness. His "DAT" purple sweater on with his usual pants somehow stood out in the darkness of the room. It wasn't that dark, but Ichimatsu always somehow made things even darker…

Once he saw the younger man, he turned back around pretty quick. Ichimatsu figured. He figured. He just knew that he would never be good enough for even his brother to make contact with him. Unmoved, Ichimatsu remained in his spot and felt lower. He didn't want to show Choromatsu how he felt – he'd nag him. He'd ask why this "doll of darkness" cared so much about someone like him. Ichimatsu hated it whenever people pointed out the obvious – especially someone who nagged as much as Choromatsu. He didn't want his flaws being pointed out.

However, he couldn't just leave since Choromatsu just saw him. He didn't want to make it seem that Choromatsu catching him there bothered him enough to leave. Instead, he just sat there with the need to both move away and being frozen solid with fear.

And yet to his surprise, he saw the older brother turn around again and even got up to walk towards him. Ichimatsu braced himself and waited Choromatsu to nag at him. He'd probably yell at him for creeping him out. He'd probably yell at him for being there. He'd probably yell at him for existing in the same plane as him. He'd probably yell at him.

"Hey, are you okay, Ichimatsu?"

The question was clear and yet Ichimatsu still braced himself. He could hear his own nervous heartbeat. His anxiety now climbed up to almost maximum levels and yet, he remained seated.

"Uh, I'm fine."

Choromatsu turned away again and Ichimatsu could hear almost a chorus of said anxiety enforcing and reinforcing the fears that he always carried whenever his brothers voluntarily talked to him. He could hear himself that sitting here was a bad idea and it was his fault that Choromatsu didn't like him – because he's so strange. He always liked cats' presence more than humans. It's weird that a human would hang out with as many cats as he did. He's weird for relating to cats so much; he barely talked to any humans outside his family. It's so disgusting that he never took care of his outwardly appearance.

"Hey, I found a new collection of cat videos," croaked out Choromatsu, "want to watch with me?"

The voice was a lot closer than before. Ichimatsu looked next to him and it seemed almost all his fears went away. It was still there – Ichimatsu worried it was just a passing moment. Another moment of a secret moment between the two and yet, as his anxiety came down, he couldn't help but feel touched by the innocuous question.

Slowly, Ichimatsu nodded. Choromatsu smiled sweetly and brought the laptop closer to the two of them. Ichimatsu didn't remember exactly what he watched but it was nice. It was nice and it reminded Ichimatsu why he even bothered.


End file.
